It is becoming clear from the men I speak to at events that they are becoming concerned and curious about how to navigate in these shifting and sensitive times. They want to know what to do and what not to do. In light of that, here are some things that I think are important for men to understand about gender at work.
- We need everyone’s help for gender equality to be achieved. Most men and a lot of women think we are already there, which is unfortunately not true. See the recent data from the study conducted by LeanIn.org and McKinsey & Company.
- Be able to recognize and expose subtle gender bias. If you see something, say something. Call it, question it, correct it. It can be tricky as everyone operates from bias, so watch for the most common forms – such as interruptions and women being talked over. Perhaps you notice that women in your office get less informal feedback. Maybe coded words are being used in performance evaluations such as “aggressive”, “pushy”, “not a team player”, or “not a good fit”. Whatever it is, find a way to shrink its effect and use. Most men I talk to are really surprised that the most hidden forms of subtle bias can be well intended – such as the compliment “you’re just like one of the guys”. Despite the good intention, recognize the hidden message it sends and ensure your comments don’t make the person feel lessor or “other”.
- Predict and prevent subtle bias. In addition to stopping interruptions in real time, anticipate and prevent interruptions by establishing meeting rules. If ideas are being appropriated, start attributing the original ideas to those who are not heard or given credit immediately after they say them. This technique is called Amplification. Don’t decide for women that an assignments or project would interfere with their role as parent. Ask her and let her decide.
- Brag about women at work. Self-promotion is uncomfortable for most women, so make a point of telling others about the successes and accomplishments of the women you work for and with. Become a brag buddy. By championing the woman, endorsing her to others, and talking about her great strengths, you will be encouraging her to advance and succeed. And she will help you to succeed.
- Women help you and your company. Diverse teams are more creative, and companies with more women in senior positions and on boards are more profitable. These findings have been around for years. And the most recent evidence of the competitive edge provided by diversity? In February, IBM sued Microsoft for allegedly stealing their inclusion and diversity strategies after IBM’s Chief Diversity Office moved to Microsoft. In the pleading, such strategies are referred to as “trade secrets”.
- Don’t misinterpret women’s habits as a lack of confidence. When women say “sorry” or they are “lucky” or the success was “due to the team”, don’t assume that they lack confidence. These gender rituals learned in childhood have nothing to do with intelligence or abilities or skills or competence. These are gender rituals and language patterns learned by girls that signal the importance of relationships. These are wonderful skills that foster relationships and trust but get downgraded and misread when viewed through masculine lenses.
- She won’t ask. Men will ask for promotions, raises, and assignments, while women will not. This is another gender habit shown by most women– waiting to be given. So look at your team and see if you are only rewarding those who ask and self-promote. Send nudge notes encouraging women to nominate themselves, like those used at Google. They increase the number of women applying and ensure that talented women leaders don’t remain hidden. Give raises to women who don’t ask but deserve them. These actions might even help lessen the persistent, consistent and huge gender wage gap.
- Ask and keep the conversation going. In this time of change it is important to keep the dialogue going. If you are not sure about how your behaviour will be viewed – ask. If you are a hugger, ensure that the other person is okay with it. Asking is not a sign of weakness but a sign of awareness and sensitivity. Are the compliments you give women seen as compliments by these women? Remember, your intent is not a guarantee of how it is perceived.