We negotiate all the time without knowing it. Attempting to get people to agree with us, or trying to settle differences with other people, requires a back-and-forth exchange – the essence of negotiation. When most people think of negotiation, they think of a certain type of strategy called competitive. It is the most dramatic form of negotiation, and thus is frequently shown in movies and used in partisan politics. The aim is to win by getting the most of the item being negotiated – often at the expense of the other party. It is called a zero-sum game: what one party loses, the other party gains. Since it is all about besting the other person to get what you want, relationships are not considered important.

We currently need more of a collaborative mindset – on the world stage and in business. Collaborative negotiation, the most effective and sophisticated type of negotiation, is not well known, yet it has been taught and promoted by Harvard University since the 60’s. It involves an appreciation of the perspectives of others, an understanding of their interests and needs, and requires the negotiators to look for options that satisfy both parties. It is inherently creative and seeks to create value for all parties. This mindset recognizes that working with others is important, and understands that solid working relationships pave the way for better and easier future agreements. It is a natural fit for women due to its consideration and appreciation of relationship. It aligns with gender stereotypes, so a woman who employs it will be seen as negotiating in a feminine way; asking about interests and working to achieve what is best for all of the negotiating parties.

A collaborative mindset also underlies inclusive leadership. Inclusive leadership is leadership that encourages diversity of thought and ideas by promoting feelings of inclusiveness. A leader who uses a collaborative mindset allows individuals to feel safe to express opinions and to feel part of a team even when they have characteristics that differ from the group. Inclusive leaders are willing to step into the shoes of those who are different to understand their perspectives. They are open to new insights, and willing to shine a light on their blind spots. They want to know what false assumptions may be getting in the way of their decision making and the unconscious bias that may be clouding their vision.

To more easily understand the contrast between a competitive and collaborative mindset, the hallmarks of each are shown in the chart below.

 Research shows that a collaborative mindset, whether used in leadership or negotiation, allows you to maximize results while building good working relationships. I write about these findings in the chapter “Emotion and Negotiation”, which is available online. Getting to Yes, first published in 1967 and written by Fisher and Ury, is a classic book on this type of negotiation strategy. I have read it multiple times, and each time I get something new and wonderful from it. If you want to up your negotiation game and become an inclusive leader, start using a collaborative mindset. The world needs it.