How to detect lies in a negotiation, how to negotiate with a liar, and how to handle tough questions without lying – these are the three questions most often asked on this topic. So here is information on each.

Detecting Lies

1. Deceptive Behavior is Hard to Detect. Forty years ago a forensic psychiatrist I worked with told me he could detect lying by failure to make eye contact; an assertion that has since been debunked by scientific research. People look away for many reasons, including lack of confidence or shyness. Other studies have revealed that some people use staring or eye-balling to conceal a lie. Micro-expressions are what you to watch for – unfortunately, they are very difficult to spot without training.
2. People Tend to Lie. Lying is part of being human. And we believe others are truthful more often that actual because of the high social cost of spotting a liar, especially when we are wrong.
3. Increase in Lying with Time. As mental energy is expended, self-control gets reduced and more lying occurs. Be aware then that lying may be more prevalent as the negotiation goes on.
4. Pleasure from Lying. Some people get a euphoric feeling from having done the wrong thing and gotten away with it. Similarly, some people are so competitive that the end (winning) always justifies the means (lying).
5. Demeanor vs. Substance. This, in my experience, is the only tactic that works: a deceptive negotiator uses all the external signs of being collaborative (jargon, openness, friendliness, etc.) while sticking to a competitive strategy (very low offers, high demands, no concession, very little information exchange). Watch out for the “wolf in sheep’s clothing”.

How to Detect Lies

1. Listen to Your Gut. It is important to listen closely to our intuition. If you feel uncomfortable or irritable during a negotiation and don’t know why, take a break. Taking a break will allow unconscious knowledge to surface. Let your mind go quiet and see what comes.
2. Watch and Listen. Nonverbal behaviors can reveal a lot about the state of the other side.

Watch for:

• relaxation after the subject is changed
• agitation when reservation points have been reached
• disproportionate reactions
• small physical movements (sometimes only once) indicating high energy release such as stammering, twitching, or blinking

Listen for:

• aggressive stonewalling
• a lack of important information
• not answering the question directly
• answering a question with a question

3. Encourage Reciprocity. We have a strong inclination to share information when others do so, a tendency that is particularly pronounced in face-to-face interactions. If the information is of little value, call it out. Tell them you have shared information of value but they have not. Encourage reciprocity by sharing your interests, such as talking about what you generally want from the deal and then ask about theirs. Talking about mutual interests that align may prime the information pump and signals a collaborative approach.
4. Ask the Right Questions. Often negotiators lie by omission, failing to volunteer information that could undermine their position. Research shows that 61% of negotiator come clean when asked information that weakened their bargaining power vs. 0% who were not asked. Asking for confirmation of suspected problems or issues has been found to cause less lying.

Handling Tough Questions

1. Anticipate the Question. In preparing for a negotiation, determine the questions that will hurt your position and plan how to answer them. Do not lie as it can hurt your reputation, your relationship with the other side, and potentially crater a deal, with deception being the most difficult breach from which to recover. Do not abstain from answering as this leaves a worse impression than disclosing extremely unsavory information.
2. Redirect or dodge. Most people don’t detect these strategies; that is why they are used and used successfully. Rather than lying, redirect with information you want to share. Or ask another question in response. I am always amazed at how well this technique works in negotiation exercises.
3. Share Undermining Information. When the parties are in a long-term business relationship, sharing such information can foster trust, facilitate better collaboration and joint problem solving, and ultimately result in better outcomes. However, in one-off competitive negotiations, sharing such information is a disadvantage.

Some final advice. Deception in negotiation costs dearly: more mistakes are made when parties lie and trust once breached is hard to regain. Go for the long game – be trustworthy, anticipate and plan but always verify.