We all love to laugh. It unites us, makes us feel good, releases tension, allows us to see things in a new way, and is great for the body. People like to be around people who are funny.  An article in the Washington Post suggests that it may even empower girls. In “Want to raise an empowered girl? Then let her be funny.” Ellen McCarthy writes that there is an abundance of research on the many social advantages that come with being humorous; humour helps convey confidence, intelligence, competence and connection. Interestingly, using humour can even shift status in professional settings. And by status is meant influence, admiration and respect. Not surprisingly then, people who can use humour effectively are found more likely to be elected to leadership positions.

Embedded in the Washington Post article is a video of girls describing how their humour is received. It is discouraging to listen to how they are shut down, told to leave it to the boys, and be quiet. Given the many social advantages that come with being funny, it is clear why others may not want to share the limelight. Another reason may be due to how boys are raised versus girls; most boys learn to value status and achievement while most girls learn to value relationships.

In addition to the many social advantages, humour shows power.  This is what the comedian Sandra Shamas told the audience at a recent event I attended, as she cracked jokes on the topic of relationships. She professed to be in love with a man who listed on his Facebook page a group of very funny comedians, many of them women, in his quest for a partner. He explained that if a woman liked them too, he knew they would be well suited. In Sandra’s view, if both people are funny and are able to laugh together, the relationship is more balanced. I found this an interesting observation from an expert on humour.

Humour is one of the techniques I suggest for exposing and reducing bias in my book Understanding Gender at Work. Potentially, it is a way to release tension while allowing others to see a situation in a new way. When done well, it can shine a light on bias in a way that is illuminating and connective. “Do we need to call the diversity police?” and “the 1800’s are calling and they want their comment back” are humorous statements that have been used to good effect by my clients.

I warn women, however, that humour is tricky to do well; to be able to size up the situation, to understand the other’s perceptive and to frame your response in a funny way is a great skill. But when it is done well, it conveys confidence, competence and connection. The tricky part is that it can shifts status, which can lead to some problematic reactions. For example, it can easily be viewed as taking a one-up position in power through masculine lenses. And thus, it might be viewed less as funny and more as threatening.

A potential way around this is to use self-deprecating humour – an approach typically used by women. Where power is equal and shared, as we are taught in childhood, making fun of ourselves is an acceptable and safe form of humour. How badly we did something is a good way to get laughs from everyone. This type of humour can have the desired effect of illumination without shifting status. One CFO, who was upset with extremely early morning meetings called by the CEO, told me she dealt with it by arriving one morning to the meeting with a nightshirt over her clothes and curlers in her hair. Although nothing was said during the meeting, the message was received and all subsequent meetings started later. I still laugh at the image of this high-powered boardroom meeting with one executive in night attire. She made fun of herself to make a point, and it worked.

Humour is a wonderful tool for both boys and girls to develop. To help evolve expectations about gender and humour, encourage your daughters, nieces, and granddaughters to be funny. Let them practice it. Praise them for their jokes – for seeing life in a way that is light hearted. Model it for them and be playful. Teach your sons, nephews and grandsons to appreciate the humour in their sisters, girlfriends or girl friends. The world needs more funny people and, if we can empower girls in the process , it is icing on the cake. Oh and yes, the world needs more cake too.