In reading about gender fluidity in National Geographic early this year, I thought I had the perfect term to describe the ability to use both masculine and feminine approaches at work with flexibility and versatility. I was reminded by a friend that the term refers to sexual identity and orientation, rather than gender culture behaviours, approaches, and styles learned in childhood.

That is not what my book, Understanding Gender at Work, is about. Instead, it is about understanding how training in childhood may have changed the way you think, the approaches you use, the skills you employ, and the habits you display.

It is hoped that this understanding will allow you to expand your repertoire of behaviours and strategies and allow you to adopt the approach that is most comfortable for you, and most successful in the situation. You may uncover natural skills and approaches you abandoned in childhood due to gender training, that allow you to function more comfortably, authentically, and effectively at work.

Just as in my seminars, questionnaires are found throughout my book. As a psychologist, I know that awareness is the first stage of change. The purpose of the questionnaire below is to create awareness of your use of masculine and feminine styles in the areas of communication, leadership, presence, asking, politics, and self-promotion.

Questionnaire

If the statement describes you, circle T and if does not, circle F.  As you respond, your frame of reference should be your approach at work.

1. I can leave out details and get to the point. T F  
2. In a group I like to fit in and not stand out. T F  
3. I use openings such as “maybe it is just me” or “I guess my question is…” T F
4. I find it easy to negotiate for the things I want. T F
5. I wait my turn to talk and seldom interrupt. T F
6. I usually take what is offered to me. T F
7. I like to figure out who’s who at work so I know who to get to know better. T F
8. I like to lead by example. T F  
9. Negotiation is about getting what you want. T      F
10. I feel more comfortable crossing my arms and legs when sitting in a chair. T F  
11. My voice is loud and clear. T F
12. I feel uncomfortable talking about myself and let others do it for me. T F
13. When given an unrealistic deadline, I generally accept it and don’t negotiate for something more realistic. T F
14. When I go into a negotiation I am confident I will get what I want. T F
15. I like to tell others how to determine goals and how to achieve them. T F
16. I consider politics a four-letter word. T      F
17. I know who is influential in my group and the organization. T F
18. When I have done something exceptionally well, I call attention to it. T F
19. If interrupted in a meeting, I actively seek to take the floor back. T F
20. I have problems asking as I think I will be negatively perceived. T      F
21. I have always assumed that my work speaks for itself. T F
22. I often motivate others by listening and letting them figure out the answers. T      F
23. I like to give clear instructions about what needs to be done, how it should be done and by when. T F
24. When sitting at a conference table I sit tall with my elbows on the table. T F
25. I believe to lead well you have to put people first. T F
26. I am comfortable questioning or debating my colleague during a conversation. T      F
27. I feel “braggy” when I talk about my achievements. T F
28. When in a group I try to stand out and be noticed. T F  

27. I ask questions to gather information and to enhance the relationship. T F
28. I make sure that I tell others about my successes and wins. T    F
29. I enjoy creating harmony in work teams to allow for greater morale and connection. T F
30. I avoid politics and think it involves too much gossip. T F
31. When I am acknowledged for a job well done I let my boss know about it. T F  
32. I try to understand the rules of the game at work and how things really work. T F
33. I feel uncomfortable showcasing my skills. T F
34. When stressed in meetings I start to fidget and check my phone frequently. T F  

To score the questionnaire, circle the question number below that you answered true (only T answers are scored), then add them up to determine which style you favour, if any. Please note that no one approach is better, however, in business a masculine approach is most often used and valued.

Understanding Your Score

The ideal score is equal numbers of masculine and feminine style responses for each skill. The goal is to become androgynous, being able to use both masculine and feminine styles fluidly. If you have a large difference between styles in a particular skill category, you may wish to read the chapter on that skill in my new book. If you are using one gender style predominately, you will benefit from trying the other gender approach. This will allow you to learn to use them flexibly and contextually, so you can select consciously the one that works best for you and in the situation. And thus you will become more gender balanced. A very beneficial skill for women that Stanford University research demonstrates results in more promotions.